Thursday, August 27, 2015

Another Page Stolen from Barack Obama's Diary

Dear Diary,

Well, getting back from vacay is a real pain. I can't wait until Labor Day, I think I'll jet down to Miami for a weekend of golf then. Getting away from the Mooch (thank goodness she doesn't know where I hide you, Diary, or we'd both be in some serious doo doo) cannot come soon enough.

Today was a strange day. It started out really well. I got this cool letter from one of my peeps, Gavin Nore. Maybe you remember me writing about him back in the campaign days. Anyway, he wrote me to report that my support for stem cell research probably saved his life! YAY ME!!!!

Here's his letter:

Pretty cool, huh?

Of course, I got that honky press stooge to release this on the social sites right away.

Strange thing though.

I got down to the Oval Office a little earlier than usual, like around 10:30 am. I had a couple chats with staff and a phone call or two. Then around 11, I was feeling pretty slow, so I grabbed that pitching wedge and went out to the Rose Garden to practice my short game for a while.

When I got done, like around 1 pm, I came back in to the Oval Office and there was another letter on my desk. I figure, I'm on a roll, so why not see what other fan mail is waiting for me. You won't believe this letter when you read it. After I cooled down, I called my Chief of Staff and demanded they find out who put the letter on my desk.

Weird thing. On the tape, there's this flash of light, and then the letter is just there. I think someone shone a laser pen into the surveillance lens to blind it while they did their little practical joke. Anyway, the original is being tested at the FBI, they did a quick fingerprint check, and even though there are prints on the letter, the agent stated that the prints were even smaller than a newborn baby's prints, and no prints in the database match it. Really kind of spooky. Plus, when you read the letter, you'll see why it kind of freaked me out. Here it is: