Barack Obama's Diary, Wednesday, July 9, 2014:
I visited the border today.
Of course, when I say I visited the border today, I don't mean that I gave in to pressure from those idiot Republicans and actually went to the physical border of the United States with Mexico.
What I did was, I visited a State that shares a border with Mexico.
I am very concerned about the humanitarian crises the influx of unaccompanied children represents. The dangers of their travel, the crimes committed against them, the diseases to which they have been exposed. That's why I visited the border today.
Of course, when I say I visited the border today because of my compassionate concern for those poor little stateless waifs, I don't mean that I gave in to pressure from those idiot Republicans and actually visited with those poor little stateless waifs.
What I did was attend some very important meetings with folks who also care very deeply about this humanitarian crisis. In fact, because they care so deeply about the humanitarian crisis, and trust my vast knowledge, skills and wisdom, they gave me large amounts of money.
Of course, when I say they gave me large amounts of money because they trust my knowledge, skills and wisdom, I don't mean that I've given in to pressure from those idiot Republicans and am diverting the funds they donated to aid the poor stateless waifs.
No. That money, it goes to insure the election of more great Americans of compassionate heart, like me, like Harry Reid, like Nancy Pelosi.
I visited the border today.
